"Well you're right, I am an interesting person" I replied with a look that said
"Oh you wanna go there bitch? For real real"?
Was I surprised that the FBI was at my house? I mean, no. Let's face it...I haven't really been anywhere in a few years and honestly, it felt kinda nice that someone cared where I was...I was imagining me holding a fabulous photo shoot for the milk carton i'd be pictured on...wind machines, glam squad, the whole bit!
But this was different...I was being investigated for a potential act of terror...and I was having NONE OF IT!
I wasn't going to comment on this because frankly, I've been a little busy...with what, isn't important right now...because that shit will be in the book. But rest assured, I'm doing OK and getting better everyday despite the many MANY obstacles. I received a few joking texts with news blurbs and click bait about suspicious packages containing glitter being sent to organizers of the "Straight Pride Parade" that is going to be held in Boston this upcoming month. I sent back the laughing/crying emoji, I double tapped the thumbs up text bubble, I even resposted an article that read "DANGER: GLITTER GOES WILD" from an actual news source...because the thought never crossed my mind that somewhere in the world, actual FBI agents were combing thru social media, cross sectioning keywords and pictures and me...my face...my words...my life was reason enough for some bitch in a suit to say "That's our guy. Go get'em".
"We aren't taking this matter lightly and want to know if you can provide any insight? motives? possible connections to the LGBT community?"
"You're doing all this because they call me Glitter?"
"You're the most recognizable person in the greater Boston area with that keyword index"
"I mean...great...I guess...but that's kinda like saying The Best Looking Person In The Burn Unit"
They didn't laugh...ACTUALLY one of them chuckled but quickly corrected themselves. Hey, I still got it.
"We just want to have a statement from you. Can you provide that to us?"
"Not at the moment...but check my facebook Wednesday...I think you might find the answer you're looking for" and then I pulled my giant sunglasses over my face and slipped off in a 1940's Rolls Royce that was idling nearby in the fog...JK...I actually went to sashay away and tripped over my flip flops and nearly face planted...I still got it...but I'm rusty.
For those of you that are just joining us, let me give you a quick refresher. I went by the name "DJ GLITTER"...because at one point in my life I was infatuated with my first boyfriend called "GAY JIM" and I idolized the thought of everyone knowing my name because at 20, I was already sick of being called "Scott? Steve? Seth? or worse...I'm sorry...Matt was it?" I hated being ignored and I knew I was meant for more. I had dreams of doing something with my fame and being a positive change in the world...but how does one get about making sure people call him DJ Glitter? Oh shit! I could have had a V8! You just start DJ-ing at gay clubs and wear a bunch of glitter out and about...EVERYWHERE! Work. Church. Bath time. You just add glitter and people will get the picture! Well...kinda. You see, this was 2010 and the world was a different time...it was the era of Lady Gaga and Ke$ha who was cornering the glitter on the face look even tho everyone will tell you that Thursday Dec 10, 2009 she came to KISS 108 Jingle Ball and met sparkly ass me with NO GLITTER on her face and the next night at the Z100 Jingle Ball in NYC...bippity boppity food stamps...bitch has herself a nice a litter face full...but I digress...This was a time of people really celebrating who they were, of gay guys making music videos to Katy Perry just for the fucking fun of it...of me going to a party in December dressed as the White Witch of Narnia with actual pieces of broken mirror glued to my face to look like ice...this wasn't a costume party mind you...it was just a "nice holiday get together" that I thought could use more guys in jockstraps...and I was right.
The next few years of my life led me to travel to Arizona where my FOMO was in full fucking panic mode. All of my 8 friends, my sister, my grandfather (congrats you just made this far for your first FJD reference #growth) and everything I ever knew was now 3,221 miles east of me and I was smack in the middle of a red state with nothing to wear but the aforementioned glitter and backless underwear...it was a transition to say the least...but it was here that the concept of this very blog came into existence. You see, I could write something here that my friends in Boston could read and relate to...not because they went thru it because we're talking about me and I've always been a hot mess but because they knew I was OK. So long as I banged out a blog every Wednesday the people that cared the most about me could breathe a sigh of relief that Hurricane Crazy Pants was still circling the Grand Canyon and that I wasn't on the verge of a breakdown. Those friends still text me to this day just to check in on the crazy...and I can't thank them enough for it.
I returned from Arizona to a new level of notoriety...people in foreign lands knew who I was not because of anything I wore or how FLAW-LESS-LY I could perform Beyonce choreography or spit a Nicki Minaj verse...it was because I made them laugh and allowed them to relate to a stranger. I found a purpose, a lane, an idea that I could be what everyone wanted me to be...everything felt right. I landed a new job, got a few boyfriends, and lived my best life. I had everything I thought I needed and was untouchable. I hosted Gay Pride, launched a wine line, and got my dream job working for my friend again...I was a one man brand builder who single ladies-ly (copyright me just now) established himself as someone who wasn't afraid to fail but who was ready to work for the successes he'd be celebrating.
Fast forward almost a decade and the blog pages are blank...my facebook posts are minimal...and my energy is gone. I went thru too much too quickly and I never gave myself the time to heal. I lost my two best friends in a matter of months and my health was failing quickly. I was burning the candle on both ends....no...I was burning all of the candles at both ends...if my candle was a mutherfucking chandelier because this bitch was swinging on more of them than Sia...the chain broke, the light fell, and there was pieces of glitter everywhere...but nowhere that made sense.
It was during this time that I realized the superman was human, and the human was in pain. I made mistakes, I ruined relationships, I did things that I never would IN MY RIGHT MIND ever do. But I did them and I accept the reality of those things. If I ever saw someone who was hurt by me or wronged by me I would apologize to their face for my faults and shortcomings and I would hope that they remember that good people make mistakes too...and that I would NEVER hurt anyone intentionally. To all of you who are reading this, to those people who love me, or who can't stand me...I am truly sorry...but that's another post for a different day.
BACK TO THE FEDS!
To the FBI who are no doubt wondering what sort of synapse misfire is occurring right now with me and why I decided to make them wait so long for my official statement...here it is in black and white:
Oh, wait. Real quick! A word about my use of "I" statements. I used to always say "WE". "WE ARE A STRONG COMMUNITY" "WE MARCH WITH PRIDE" "WE THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMER-no that wasn't me never mind. But I used to say WE because I always felt it my was duty to speak up on behalf of those who didn't feel they had a voice in the world. It was altruistic and from a good hearted place...but now being that person on the other side...who feels like they could scream in the middle of 8th Ave in New York City and nobody would even bat an eyelash (BECAUSE THAT ALSO HAPPENED BUT WHATEVER...different blog) I now know how infuriating it is to watch people speak on my behalf because they don't believe I am capable of doing so. It is the most invalidating feeling in the world regardless of the intent. And what's most importantly (best Kanye West lyric ever) is that I cannot speak, act, or be anyone but myself no matter how muffled my voice might be. So enjoy my i-statements and feel free to relate to any of them.
Dear FBI:
I am me
I am kind
I am a son
I am loving
I am flawed
I am healing
I am a friend
I am a brother
I am forgiving
I am accepting
I am a nephew
I am thoughtful
I have hurt others
I have hurt myself
I have broken the law
I have made mistakes
I am a citizen of the planet
I am worth a second chance
I am constantly looking to improve
I am, at times, a complete train wreck
I am someone who knows the difference between Pride and Ego
I am someone knows what's it like to be scared, alone, and in pain
I am someone who would never try to instill fear and hate in anyone
I am part of a community who marches with everyone and who appreciates that privilege
I am a person who operates with a good heart...for the betterment of everyone...and out of love
I am not a terrorist
I wish you the best of luck finding whoever did this. I hope you now realize, that short of the Westboro Baptist Church coming to my July 4th cookout, I respect everyone regardless if I agree with them.
I hope the organizers have a peaceful march and I certainly don't think it's just the a-holes who invented this shindig looking for a few extra cameras on them day of who sent these glittery envelopes to themselves...that would just be nuts.
I appreciate your time reading this...to all of you...I love you all...and I'll be back ;)
My very best always,
Glitter (and probably Ke$ha)
PS! The best part of my conversation with the FBI went as follows:
"We have reason to believe the person who is doing is looking for attention. Based on your social media presence, it's clear that you might have the same motive in mind"
Me: And you think that's what I'd do for attention...honey bunches of oats...watch and learn.
THAT's what I do for attention.
#itsglitterbitch
